Better in the Belfry than the Bedroom

There’s a lot of information available about getting a bat out of your house. A lot of it is wonderfully, frighteningly specific. WikiHow has an illustrated 10-Step Guide.

(Wound up needing only Step 10)

While the bat flew around the bedroom, s/he was easy to see if less easy to keep from crashing into me. Once s/he landed, s/he was nowhere to be found. After a few minutes, s/he was flying around again. I opened the door to the terrace; s/he landed again instead of flying outside. Gave it another few minutes and nothing. It was after 3AM. I shut everything and slept in the basement.

The next day, I moved the bed and all the furniture, searched high and low with a flashlight, and beat every surface with a Swiffer. Saw no bat, nor bat turd; Nothing. Night came and s/he was swooping around the ceiling fan again. I opened the terrace door, stepped out — backward, holding open the screen door — and s/he continued round the fan (much better than landing / disappearing). I clanked the Swiffer on the screen door a few times, and she flew out to freedom and freed up our bedroom.

Glad s/he’s gone with all of us unharmed, but where the f*ck was that bat hiding?